christmas

i'm at my house. its christmas time in the city. there is snow on the ground, and nausea in my stomach. i'm just trying something out.

Thanksgiving....

This was my thanksgiving... I LOVED it.

Family vote: Dad-- what do you think?

so my roomie is prancing around (ok, she's going to kill me because I said prancing in describing her) anywho, i couldn't help but think that she looked like an old picture of mom in the getup she was wearing with her hair all floppy.... what do y'all think? I swear I have this exact picture in my baby book.

I went on a date....

He was charming....

and then we went up south mountain and took pictures... this is what playing around with cameras without photshop looks like... we went to the dollar store and bought glo sticks, candles, lighters, flashlights, colored juice and a few other things.... enjoi.

Stereotypes are ignorant. But some things are just innately true...

If you work at a nationwide gym, and you're female: Your name must be lindsay.
I just called 3 different, DIFFERENT gyms inquiring about prices. We will submit that everyone I was transferred to in "membership" was female and introduced herself as "Lindsay". and then i thought of another Lindsay I know, and how she works at Golds.... hmmmmmmmmmm. lets just call a spade a spade.

and because all good posts include a picture: Here is my school at sunrise...

Take a book to the DMV, wait, scratch that.

When going to the DMV I think it is a smart Idea to bring a book. This way time flies effortlessly and enjoyably. Moreover, if you are armed with a book, and a sturdy gaze, you can easily deflect the attention of an over flirtatious soul, who forgot his book.
For example: The older man with the white hair in his beard, short shorts, and BRIGHT red shiny shoes.
He sits near you. NOT next to you, so that you could feesibly hear the words that were coming out of his mouth, just near you though, so he THINKS he is in conversation range, but is just outside.

Its ok, don't panic. You have a book, and a sturdy gaze.
Unfortunately there are those as my mother pointed out to me many years ago, that are, "socially retarded" -- but to be more polite, perhaps we should say, "socially stunted"
Which is why they think a book is an IN to a conversation, instead of a STAY OUT. (stupid)
"You reading that?" says red sneakers... can i hear him clearly, no. So i crane my neck around to him and half yell, "What?!" (I am confused why this person is interupting my obvious activity)
As he repeats himself louder, i nod with a stupid assessment on my face and then spin around to continue "reading".
"Why don't you put that down and talk to me? Don't you want to talk to me?" he says, not loud enough, so of course i yell at him to repeat himself... again.
I tell him, "No, this is an interesting book" and turn back to my "reading"
The following conversation ensues: please understand that i had him repeat everything he said because as i pointed out earlier, near is not the same as next to in a noisy dmv. Also note that after every comment i turned back to my book and pretended to continue reading, each time getting harsher and harsher... (and those of you that know me, can appreciate that if I am MEANING to be harsh... I am) (this conversation has been abridged... the unabridged version is available in stores, but it is hefty in volume)

"What is it about?"
"What?"
"The book"
"Vampires"
"I'm a vampire. Now, don't you want to talk to me instead of read that?"
"No, its still more interesting and less creepy"
"Don't you want to know my name?"
"do I have a choice?"
"Carl"
"Carl the vampire?"
"Yes ma'am--so you gonna let me take you out or what?" (did i mention the gray hair, short shorts and red shoes?)
"no, but thanks for asking"
"We can go to a movie, some dinner, mmmmhhh"
"Nope"
"whatchoo doing this weekend?"
"Sleeping"
"after you wake up?"
"Going back to sleep"
"you gotta eat sometime don't ya?"
"no."
"I'll take ya out and we'll get a big juicy steak" (picture is lips and tongue and hands pretending to be eating a steak..
"no"
"FISH, we'll go get fish, some nice big.."
"no."
"How bout i just get your number and then i'll give you a call later"
"Oh, I already said no, but thanks for asking"
"How bout I give you my number, and then you can call me if you change your mind?"
"Yeah, No, I'm not going to use it ever, so, no. Thanks though"
"How about..."
"How about no."
I'm pretty sure he kept talking, but by that point I was tired of the word no. So I turned back to my vampire book, even though i was sitting right next to one. Carl. The vampire. I guess i always imagined vampires to be a little more sensual... you know, have a little more intoxicating game. oh well. guess i was wrong.

so the book thing... didn't work.
It was suggested to me to use my ipod... Had a similiar situation that went just about as smoothly with my eyepod on... socially stunted is socially stunted, props, aren't of any consequence to them.

I think next time i'm just going to fake deaf.

and by the way. I did dress up.
happy halloween.

Homecoming!

Yes, i went to my first Homecoming game in 10 years. Very exciting. The favorite part was when the fight broke out at the end of the game that emptied the bleachers. We left after the helicopter that was circling low and fast told the crowd to: "VACATE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATLY"
YAY -- GGOOOOOO CHAMPIONS!

Staff appreciation Night

Last week I was invited to a staff appreciation volleyball game. Basically each of the girls chose the teacher they wanted to honor, and one of my girls picked me! YAY! So it was pretty simple, they called us up on the court and gave us a bag of goodies, and we got to run through the cheer leaders yelling with their pom poms.... It was cool. My girl is cool. She must take after me. :)

Once upon a time...

In a land called Eden, 7 beautiful girls lived happily together in a small house. This is commonly referred to as "the best house ever". Reaching the end of the year sadly they moved out following the path life had laid for each of them.
What seemed to be years later one of the girls, we'll call her "jo" had an interesting experience we will recount now. Some girls from the ward came over to meet and greet jo and her new roomies. Upon arrival one of the girls exclaimed, "I know you! Me and my friends moved into a house that you were moving out of. it was on 4th street." Jo while surprised at the exceptional memory of this girl was also flooded with joy, for the girl spoke of her beloved Eden. Happily Jo replied, "YES! I LOVED THAT HOUSE! Didn't you just LOVE it!?" The girl looked strangely at jo and said hesitantly, "well, we didn't live their that long, we moved out pretty quick." Astonished at this news jo could barely ask the question "why?" (I mean, why would anyone move OUT of eden?? it makes NO sense)
"Well" the girl began, "we didn't really get along with the landlord that well"
That made sense, Larry was weird.
"And because it was haunted."
Errr? Rewind. HUH?
Jo's befuddled expression must have given away the fact that she had NO idea what this girl was talking about.
So the girl continued... "Didn't you guys ever see the little girls?"
"Little girls??" Jo's confusion mounted, and stomach dropped a bit. She was pretty sure if someone was going to see a ghost it would have been her. She asked the girl to proceed.
"You guys never saw the little girls? The little girls that played in the basement? You never heard them laughing or running around? We didn't see them at first, we only heard them, but one night my roomate got home late and she went into her bedroom and 2 little girls ran out past her. She followed after them but they were gone by the time she got to the kitchen. They were always playing in the basement bedroom, we saw them a few times."
"Which basement bedroom?" Jo asked, pretty sure she knew the answer.
"The one with the beds up in the wall." Awe. Jo's old room. Jo's and Jazmines.

And they all lived happily ever after.
The END.

(This story has been told in honor of the up coming hallows eve... also in honor of the photograph that I recently found. It has not been doctored at all. That is the truth)

...the only other thing that scares us is bugs.

The end of my day is usually pretty funny. I have a whole row of characters who pretend to be students. They are all pretty big boys who sit in the row of desks closest to my computer. Each of them are unique and hilarious on their own accord, so imagine the chaos when they are each being unique and hilarious at the same time. I keep one hand free so I can talk with expression, while the other wields my shoe to club em upside the head when they start acting up. A few examples.
The first thing they all like to do is set a book nonchalantly on their keyboards, which then creates a dialogue box that comes up and disapears every time a key is pressed, and since a key is being held down, it begins flipping like a strobe light. They do this quietly while i am standing in front of them giving instruction, ALL of them, so NO oNe but me can see the computer screens, and then i have to scream and club em before having and epileptic seizure. cute.
Another funny thing they do while i'm giving instruction is gently, slowly, almost invisibly creep their rolling chairs forward with their big ol long legs... so before long my pacing is cut down to a one by one by one square, and i finally notice when i trip on their feet and realize their computer is 3 feet behind them. nice.
how about the church giggle they do. They all just look back and forth at each other, then at me, then come the peels of little girl giggles. So now i can't concentrate because i know they are laughing at me, and i'm pretty sure its because my zipper must be down, or maybe i have sweat marks, or something else... no, they are just laughing because they find me amusing... something about my hand motions.
If i can get through the church giggles and still have focus in my instructions, the next line of fire is when one of them nonchalantly pulls out a small video camera, and proceeds to pretend to record me. he got clubbed with my big soft shoe. (How does the rest of this class ever hear ANYTHING i say?)
One time, we had a guest speaker who was talking about college. She was on the other side of the classroom and asked the question, "Does anyone know how many years it takes to get an associates degree?" guesses were starting to fly, when one boy on the back row called out "6 years" to which I replied under my breath, but loud enough for all of them to hear, "ooh, close" At which point to my delight, they all began calling out closer guesses, "7 years!" "8" "12!" and then a girl yelled, "2" to which the speaker said, "correct" at which point i felt the air get colder, and i looked up and ALL of them are turned around muggin me. (Muggin= to mug, to make your meanest dirty face) WHOS LAUGHIN NOW SUCKAS!?
Which brings us to today, and my introduction of edamame. "What is that?" one of them asked with a disgusted look on his face. "OOOOHHH, its SO GOOD! TRY!" I offered, he tentatively took the little green pod. "Is it a vegtable?" He asked looking a little pale. "Are you afraid of vegtables?" I asked him. His eyes widened as he nodded his head. "Your gonna tell me that your not afraid of tattoo needles, or guns, but your afraid of a little bean?" "YEAH" and then one of the other boys tried to put me strait... "There are really only 2 things that we're afraid of... vegtables... and of course bugs, everyone's afraid of bugs." I corrected him, "you mean city boys are afraid of bugs." "whatever, same thing."
LESSON LEARNED: When i travel through some of the rougher neighborhoods in the area, do not fear for my safety. While I don't pack heat, (carry a gun)-- i do pack edamame, and crickets. Weapons of mass destruction.
ps. i was able to get a few students to try one bean each. it wasn't a hit.

We shop at target, we shopLIFT at walmart... cuz its better quality...

FIRST: I would like to say a special THANKYOU, and I LOVE YOU.. to all freinds and family that tried heroically to leave me a message on my birthday. It was a crazy day. I was at school for about 16 hours of it, and I accidentally left my phone home to my great frustration. Apart from the beautiful messages left me, the high points of the day, were, 2 unique renditions of happy birthday soul-style by one of my girls, and then an authentic feliz cumpleanos sung by one of my boys. The low point of the day, apart from being at school from 5am-9pm, skipping the headache and nausea, was when one of the parents tore me up for a seemingly small matter. Awesome. All in all... its over.

I would now like to expand upon the title. Me and my new roomie Katy went to the walmart the other day to buy a few items and get pedicures (yes the first one i've ever gotten) We checked out through the self-checkout and went over to the nail salon. I remembered as I walked away that i needed my receipt, but by the time i got back to my aisle, it was long gone. oh well. On to a pedicure. It was nice, and my toes are pretty. So with big smiles me and katy wend our way towards the doors. We were both surprised to be acosted by the 90 year old greeter, as she seized our bags with lightning speed and demanded to see our reciepts. I didn't have mine and explained that to her, while taking my bag back. She ripped it from my hands and muttered that I didn't buy the merchandise and she began puttering away, to ... somewhere else. Confused i followed after her where she threw my bag at the customer service desk saying, "she doesn't have a reciept. she didn't buy these" Me asking when i can have my bag back.... the ordeal begins. Because we got pedicures, everyone who had been working before was gone now, because it was a new shift, so me and katy have to sit and wait while the security officers look through all the tapes of the registers for the past hour. Me and Katy are further outraged as we watch every other person under the sun walk out of walmart without being stopped by the formerly mentioned greeter. She wisely stayed far enough away all i could do was shout.. "HEY, WHY DON:T YOU MAKE SURE THEY'RE NOT SHOPLIFTING!?" When the security guard came back a while later he confirmed to us what we already knew, that I had in fact paid for the items. We asked him quizzically, "Do you really think if we were going to shoplift we would A- do it from walmart, B- bag the items, C-go get pedicures before we leave, and D-hang around for a half hour.!!?" We told him we were offended and DEMANDED to speak to management.
He went and got management, and we got an apology, but the best part was when katy said to the latin security guard, and the black manager: "We are being discriminated against because we are white, blond, and female. AND your treating us like we are five... Are you 5 jo?? didn't think so. I"m offended."
YAY. So yes, we shop at the target. We shoplift at the walmart.

Last but not least. (sorry for such a long post) This morning before church me and Katy looked at each other and smiled, commenting on how different we were, and different we looked. She in her sheek business pinstriped suit, me in my hippie flower thingy. At church, ONLY 6 people asked: So are you guys TWINS???,, SISTERs then? NO? not EVEN SISTERS?? Then you must be related, or have been friends for a VERY long time... 3 weeks? but you two are SO similiar!!

So, I would like a vote: TWINS, Sisters, or ER?, I vote: Er?

growing up is so cliche...

I feel obligated to make a record on the last day of this year. August 22nd is notoriously the saddest day of the year for me. I would like to submit that due to the intense nature of the year to date... today aint makin the usual ripples i'm used to. I'm pretty sure tomorrows not even going to phase me. I havn't decided how old i'll be. Its been a toss up between 15 and 100, my kids suggested 115, but i just laughed... thats WAY too OLD! i think i'll have to settle with 100, i do like that number, and i think i'll get cheaper meals. Oh, and social security. so, its cool.
i think this picture captures how I feel...
time to let go.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!

School started earlier this week, Monday to be exact. Nervous nervous nervous. I guess i'm nervous about the new kids, (girls this time), new classroom, new equipment, new subject, new school, new coworkers, new school district, new state, new, new, new, new.... did i mention i just moved here? Every one of the previously mentioned new things has a list of requirments and expectations for me to meet...... IMMMEEDIATLEY!!!.
I'm so stressed i can't see. I guess i would rather be busy stressed then, nothing to do stressed... so, i'm steppin up on the stress levels.
I will be moving today, moving is what I do best. Last night while we moved my furniture it was 104 degrees. It was smart of us to wait until 10 pm to do it. This is a crazy place.

My kids rock the party that rocks the party. I think I like them all very much. Plus there are a lot of cool people working closely with me... I'm pretty sure the year is going to be awesome, and I hope i can see straight for part of it!

And i quote the weather lady....

Metro Phoenix forecast




Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
104 98 97 99 102 104 105 107

"We are in for some Mild temperatures. It will be a cool beginning to the week, before temps start to warm back up..."


Break out your turtlenecks kids... its going to be a cold one.

"Oh, I thought you were a student..."

No, really, its a compliment almost always. It just seems less of a compliment when it is proceeded by a long hard disdainful look up and down, delivered at the same time as the wet noodle handshake, that seems like they're trying to grip less to avoid a terrible disease. This comment was then followed by other such complimentary questions as: "So this must be your first year teaching then?" or "How old are you?..... no really?" "Digital Photography? Figures. I guess the students will love you." WOW. You also need to imagine their voice, rough, abrasive, and slightly colorless.... not nice....And then my mind speeds backwards in time to earlier that morning at the complimentary breakfast, and how many of the people I smiled at glared back distastfully at me, and now i understood. They thought i was a student stealing their food, just packin it back. Nice.
The majority of my brandnew faculty are completely amazing, and accepting, and exciting, and wonderful. But there was a surprising number that were not very tactful to say the least. As I say, it is a compliment to be mistaken for a student,, I could just do without the glare, its quite bright, hurts my eyes.

Besides... earth time is just earth time anyway...

A short complaint.

my friggin car h8s arizona. today it decided to forfeit my rights to my window. it did so by sliding the window down strategically into the door so that i could not roll up my window. and then, it began to rain. and God opened the heavens and said, "I h8 you alfalfa!" truely it did begin raining at that exact moment.

On a lighter note. me and my new future roomate of america Katy were forcing the debate of where we should live. Everywhere is comprable, everywhere is good and bad. We narrowed todays search down to 2. We finally chose the more expensive of the two based on the gun-shots complaint at the cheaper one. tomatoe, tomoto.

Arizona: my take

Welcome to Arizona! Well that's what I thought the large footprint on the side of my door said to me. The footprint was strategically placed to completely cover the brand NEW DENT that consumed my door. yes someone just "kicked the H@#$! out of my door" or so said the dent guy. Thankyou for the theft insurance-- Honda's are high on the list here, but maybe now that one of my doors is bashed in, I'll keep my car.
Other thoughts: Az is humid, not hot. Can't breathe--too thick!

You don't lay your clothes on the ground here, ever, on account of scorpians, while i havn't seen one yet, I'm hoping I don't. However, tonight while talking on the phone with my dad, I saw a mouse.. no wait, not a mouse, its running to my feet, a scorpian! no, not a scorpian... a beetle. BIG-A Beetle.



Welcome to Arizona.

dear utah,

i will miss u.
i luv u.
b good while i'm gone.

luv jo.

ps. please tell all my friends--i wasn't able to tell them all.

Sunday's are for flying...

There are a few things in life every girl should have to be happy:
-a trampoline
-brothers that arn't afraid of hurting you
-wings
-A genius photographer to catch the moment when you are actually falling DOWN, instead of up...&
-good friends that are willing to massage your neck to help lessen the pain of whiplash from landing -first on your head, bouncing, - second landing on your neck, bouncing, -landing third on your head (again), until your body finally flops to a stop.
I love flying.
(we will note that beginning and ending positions are flat like a board on your back...)


You may wonder where I get my love of flying. From my brothers of course. John is kind of like the guy off of hero's... or that other guy, superman. We should note here that Luke is not being melancholic, he is simply trying not to die after john elbowed him str8 in the eye during take-off.

Would you like some smoke with your canyon?

Has anyone informed the fire that Utah is a NON-smoking state? Longboarding down the canyon, by the river, under trees, and near waterfalls is pretty much an awesome way to spend an afternoon... however, due to all the fires currently burning Utah down, Breathing becomes a bit more difficult. I took this shot boarding, while looking behind me... No, its not fog.
Sik. (and not the "sik-wit-it" type of sik)

I dub thee cool:

A few things that have impressed me recently:

The coolest bike in the world: Yes that is blue shag fur.



The doctors call this: Idiopathic Angioedema:
(It means they don't have a clue)


My new blue hair. Yes its permanent. Yes I start my new job soon.

Techni-colored sunsets

& saving the best for last: may I present to you---Jacki. my hero.

Yes, she is balancing a cup on her 4head. She's... a genius.

Rocket chiQ-

The DJ's voice came over the speaker system, interupting the blockparty's dance. "3 more songs until ROCKET CHIQ" Tension began to grow as the count down began. Then, the street was cleared. Neighbors with hoses stood on both sides ready to jump into action if there be a need. The call was made for volunteers: "We need 4 volunteers to help light rocketchiq" And before you know it... she happened.
Dressed in a silver space suit from head to toe. With a helmet and backpack covered in fireworks, all a-glow, she began riding a dirt bike up and down the street spraying flames EVERYWHERE.
THIS IS HOW TO CELEBRATE FREEDOM!!!

sushi....

I thought when they said octopus they meant, meat from an octopus. I didn't realize they meant, "AN OCTOPUS" it was like eating bambi all over again.

Enjoi

It's more entertaining without sound... so mute your computer.

Sucka!

We were just trying to make suckers. It didn't work the way it used too.

Currently: The best day of the year!

Today I was given the best news of the year.
I can't believe the scary is over.
Some pictures to express how I feel:

Holding my breath. 6/7/7-6/8/7

I hold my breath.
tomorrow will soon be a memory.
perhaps a beautiful one.
i don't know why i think holding my breath will ensure
a positive outcome.
But i can't risk it.
So i hold my breath.

"Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

From this point forth in life when someone approaches you and throws out the ever famous, "Hey, try and touch your tongue to your elbow!"(usually a comment saved for an uncomfortable silence, or a last ditch pick-up line) So you do, to see if you can, cuz, you probably can, I mean, why shouldn't you be able to?....and then after a few good akward moments while you are trying desperately to shove your elbow towards your mouth, realizing that your arm isn't getting shorter and your tongue isn't getting any longer, your new best friend spits out the obvious, "ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!" sheepishly you wonder why you even attempted... Welps, wipe that sheepish look off your face. The next time someone tells you that touching your elbow with your tongue is impossible, you can look at him, scream LIAR!! and walk away.
As fate would have it, i learned this the hard way... experience.
One evening while enjoying some left over rice pudding, compliments of my lovely roommate, a spot of pudding dropped precariously, landing on my elbow. I immediatley without thinking stuck my tongue out and attempted to lick it off. To everyone in the rooms shear delight my head was jerked short- seeing as how my neck has not ever been stretched off my spine before. As a yoga instructor I don't believe there is anything one can't do with a little flexibility and so I arrogantly proclaimed no one was leaving until I licked it off.
To bend into proper position one needs to first distort your face as intensely as possible to get rid of blind spots for your tongue, like your cheek or your chin etc. Secondly you need to stretch both your neck and your tongue as far as possible, Lastly, you need to pull your elbow backwards, (popping your shoulder out of socket may be a useful skill here). Piece of cake!
With each try my little tongue got closer and closer, but then, to my dismay, due to the amount of spittle that was dripping from my outreached and determined tongue, the already unstable position of the pudding took a turn for the worst as it was picked up by the spit and raced down my elbow to the VERY POINT!
Things were beginning to look dismal, as i began to rethink my former boast....Just when i thought i would have to give up, my roommate taunted me a step further by turning on her video camera. This was the inspiration I needed, one more stretch of the face, and a fowl swoop of my tongue, and all I could hear were cheers and laughter as I tasted the sweet pudding slide down my throat. (it actually tasted more like spit with some rice in it)
Impossible? I say, NAY. as my good buddy Mr. Disney says, "It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

So the next time in life you hear a fool cry IMPOSIBLE... prove him wrong.

It is the act of a madman to pursue impossibilities. --Marcus Aurelius

the type of evening that poetically inspires the birth of a blog...

It was one of those sunsets that changes everything-- Adding gold to the wind, letting it paint the earth, ripping through your hair, and exploding in your eyes. It was the sun that caught my eye, but the fresh cut hay, with the scent of rain on it that caught my nose. My ears were dancing with the melody of a broken piano and ani difranco's quiet voice singing "you had time". The asphault is cold even through my pants, as i sit on the side of a country road, down a ways from my car, soaking in a moment that will be gone as soon as it began. Something about a perfect moment--that somehow puts a microphone on your heart, and everything you've been trying to ignore gets blaired through a loud speaker, up your spine, sending the message to every nerve ending and blood vessel in your body. The ache of a heart is heavy... and the feedback in the speakers is loud... unlike the moment, the pain will stay, and marinate the soul until one day, its soaked it all in, and the pain and I are one in the same. I'm aware that i've been stressed. I'm aware that i've been "heavy-laden", to put it lightly...and in a sunset like tonight, the wind takes that weight away... and as I begin to allow myself to float away, I become distinctly aware of the sadness, that wells up inside, to the point of burning my throat and making it hard to swallow. A sadness that will probably coexsist with me forever. There is a beauty in the sadness...its in the faces.